October 23, 2018
Jessica is a mindset coach for high-achieving entrepreneurs who are ready to create the money and success of their own definition. She helps people uncover the BS stories in their heads (especially the ones they don’t know about!), get clear on what they really REALLY want, and then have the guts to go for it all (without losing their minds in the process).
Allie: You’re listening to the Prosperity Lab Podcast, episode number three. Welcome to the Prosperity Lab Podcast. We’ve been given an amazing opportunity in entrepreneurship that’s never been available in any other time period. We live in a reality where the number of lives we impact can be directly reflected by the dollars in our bank accounts. Prosperity is about more than income. It means living the good life and existing in a state of freedom, security, and wellbeing. This podcast will explore the paths towards living our best lives, and the businesses providing for them. In this episode, I interview Jessica Eley, an amazing mindset coach for high achievers. After having her as my biz bestie for the last three years, I hired her for mindset coaching, and the difference in my business and confidence level is nearly unrecognizable.
She’s created a course all about her signature framework called Prep Work, which takes students through the six essential shifts they need for life and business success, which happens to be exactly what we’re talking about today. Without further information, here is my interview with Jessica.
Okay. Thanks for joining another interview of the Prosperity Lab Podcast. I am here with Jessica Eley. She has been my business bestie for the last three years, and has been my personal mindset coach and has helped me overcome a ton of shifts and blocks that I had in my own business. Just, it’s completely changed the way I operate my business after talking to Jessica and getting to know her. So thank you so much for joining us today, Jessica.
Jessica Eley: Hey, [crosstalk 00:01:42] thanks for having me.
Allie: Yeah, absolutely. So do you want to tell us a little bit about what you do and how you work with clients?
Jessica Eley: Yeah. So I like to tell people that I am a mindset coach for high achievers. In my one on one practice, that tends to be legit high achievers. People who go, go, go, go, who always get what it is they set their sights on, people who have a harder time taking a vacation, people who have a hard time taking care of themselves sometimes, unless they’re just taking care of themselves so that they can go achieve more things, which is a whole other subject. And then in other areas of my work, that comes to me being a coach for people who have been high achievers in other areas of their life, whether they were really impressive athletes or academics, whether they have a PhD or they went to an Ivy League school, or they had some sea suite office.
But now they are very not so impressive as entrepreneurs. They’re not so high achieving, and they still identify as being the kind of person who can go get whatever they want, but for some reason it’s not happening for them in entrepreneurship. So I work with both ends of the spectrum because they typically have the same problem, it’s just presented itself different in entrepreneurship, but those are my people, the people who love to go, go, go, because that’s who I was for a very long time. And then I was also on the other side. I wanted to be an entrepreneur, wanted all the things, and then didn’t. Didn’t do any of the things for five years.
Allie: I can relate to that story so much. But let’s start at the beginning. What were you doing for work before you were an entrepreneur?
Jessica Eley: I did technical writing for an engineering firm. It was terribly boring, but it was a good way to make good money with an English degree, which often equates to just working at Starbucks or some other not so impressive place. So technical writing let me work in a professional environment and be paid really well for a degree that I didn’t feel like I had worked very hard for, and I hated it about three days in, but I stayed there for five years, which totally makes sense.
Allie: Wow, five years.
Jessica Eley: Yeah.
Allie: So I love the story of how you made the transition from full time employee to entrepreneur. This is one of my favorite stories about making that transition. So why don’t you share with us what that looked like when you left your job?
Jessica Eley: Okay. So about six months before I quite my job, I was listening to Smart Passive Income with Pat Flynn because like any good wantrepreneur, I thought I needed to study all of the things, and I was very diligent at that. My job allowed me to listen to books and podcasts and it was relatively menial in that way, and so I was probably subscribed to 100 podcasts. I had 300 newsletters, I would read or listen to two to three books a week. It was insane the amount of information I was consuming. And so one day I’m listening to Pat Flynn while doing the dishes, because I couldn’t do anything and not be learning at the same time, and he was talking with some kind of funnel expert. They were talking about how to optimize it, they were talking about don’t use red buttons because red indicates stop, it will reduce your conversion rate.
I’m taking all of these notes as I’m scrubbing eggs out of a pan, and finally I had this moment where I literally stopped scrubbing and I was like, what are you doing? Because I realized that I was taking all these notes on how to optimize a funnel when not only did I not have a funnel, I didn’t even have a business. I didn’t even have an idea for a business. I had nothing. And so that was kind of my, what I call my come to Jesus moment, and I turned everything off. I unsubscribed from everything very cold turkey, literally just unsubscribed. Every time some new newsletter would come in, I’d unsubscribe. I just deleted my podcast player, it was a little bit painful, and broke up with my librarian who I had been checking out a mountain of books from every week.
And I got really uncomfortable with the fact that I had been trying to learn my way out of ignoring my own crap. Because I had wanted to be an entrepreneur for five years. After five years, if you haven’t done the thing you want to do, it’s not because you don’t have what you need, it’s because of your own head. And so I kind of came to terms with that and about six months later, pretty cold turkey quit my job, and just started helping people. Because I had this vast store of knowledge, I knew all kinds of useless things. You know, useless to me at the time, like how to set up an opt in and what your boxes should look like, and based on my corporate experience, I did have some kind of understanding of how to write things effectively.
And so I literally just started getting on the phone with people to help people. Somebody would say hey, I just launched my website, can I get your feedback? And I would do it. And I had zero intentions behind it. I had no idea what it was going to become. There was no slick plan at all, it was just genuinely, get on the phone and help people. And I did that, and somebody asked me hey, do you have a website? I know of some other people you’ve been really helpful. And I was like no, I have an email address, and I gave her my Gmail, and two weeks later somebody said hey, so-and-so recommended you, do you have copywriting packages that I could look at?
And I was like, yes I do, let me get right back to you, and spent the next day writing up these completely artificial copywriting packages out of nowhere. And she was my first client, and that client paid me the equivalent of what my salary would have been. That all happened within two weeks after I quit corporate, which was so ironic, right, because I had been trying to figure out how to quit and how to make money, and all these things. So I did copywriting for a little while, more to make money. Also around the time that that person hired me, I hired my first mindset coach and she, along with the experience of helping people write their copy, kind of made me see that I didn’t give a crap about writing the words, but I was really good at being on the phone with people and talking them through why they weren’t writing things on their website that they wanted to be writing.
People wouldn’t charge what they needed to be charging, people wouldn’t say who it is they really wanted to help because they had all kinds of imposter-y feelings about it. And I just had way more fun being on the phone, so I told my husband, I think I’m just gonna drop the copywriting part. And that’s what I did, and I hung up my shingle as a mindset coach, and it was that organic. There was nothing contrived or genius about it, it just kind of happened.
Allie: I have so many questions for you. When you first quit your job, you were like two weeks into entrepreneurialism and you hired a mindset coach for yourself. So how did you know that was necessary, and how did you make that choice for that to be the first level of support? ‘Cause most people think, oh I need marketing, I need a business coach, there’s so many different things you can invest in. So how did you come upon that choice without knowing yourself that you wanted to become a mindset coach?
Jessica Eley: Yeah no, I mean that was not on the radar. I, to be quite frank, I told my own coach that I had way too much crap. I used much stronger words, but I had way too much crap to help other people with their stuff. And so that was not on the radar. I think part of what did it is that I had bought so many courses. I had consumed so much information. I knew how to do this stuff, and what I started to see, much to my aggravation and frustration and strings of expletives that came from my mouth, was that people who were not good at this stuff, who were doing things very, very badly, were making all kinds of money, or were building audiences. They were doing stuff, and it was terrible, and yet people were paying attention to them, and I was so irked by it, because I knew 50 things to tell them that would have made it better.
But when I got really honest about it, the reason I was so annoyed was because I could have been doing that. I clearly knew what it was to do. It wasn’t a lack of knowledge or information, I was sitting on a $10,000 stack of courses that would have taught me anything that I wanted to do. It was my own crap. So that was kind of right when Facebook groups were getting really wound up, and my first coach posted a few times. Her words were like, oh my God, this is so me, and I got on the phone with her. I had done a couple other, people were giving away free sessions type of things, and I had done a couple other sessions with a few other people, and they were great, but it didn’t … There was nothing wrong with them, but it wasn’t like, oh my gosh, this is fantastic and exactly what I need.
And I got on the phone with her and I was like yes, you, this. I need this. And I hung up and told my husband I needed $10,000 and then nearly crapped my pants, ’cause I just quit my job, right? And now I’m like hey, I know that our last car purchase was this much, but I’d like that money just for my head. And thankfully, he either had a blond moment or is very kind and compassionate, but he let me go for it. Could be too that he was just sick of being my coach for a while, and that was the best decision I ever made, ’cause it was finally what got me out of my own way.
Allie: Wow. I feel like that’s when we first met, is when you were making the transition from copywriter to mindset coach, I think.
Jessica Eley: Yeah.
Allie: So it was really cool to watch your journey as you grow in comfort level with your own business and your own title and developing your own framework and how you work with clients, and finding out what you are really good at within that. So part of what I’d love for you to talk about today is the six shifts that you work on with entrepreneurs, what that looks like, how it helps people. And I know in the work that we did together when I was working with you as my mindset coach, those were the main shifts that I made in my own business. So hearing you describe that this is a pattern across the board that a lot of people, whether they’re just starting out or stuck up against the wall having grown their business to the level that they’re comfortable with, that it’s so similar for all different people. So can you jump in and tell us a little bit about the six different shifts that people make and say a little to each segment?
Jessica Eley: Yeah. I’ll say to your point, is that yes. I firmly believe everybody … Everyone makes these shifts at some point. I do think that some people are genetically and environmentally and neurologically blessed that they probably learned these things at six weeks old, who knows, I don’t know. My husband seems to be one of those lucky guys. But I think that everybody goes through these at some point, and because I have seen people who make seven figures. I have worked with people who are mid six figures, do the exact same thing. So I think what’s more indicative of you needing to make one of these shifts is if you are stuck. If you are at a plateau, whether your plateau is zero dollars or six or seven zeros.
If you are stuck, it is because of your head, and I would put money on you needing one of these six shifts. The first and most important shift is called the essential shift, and actually a different client that I worked with named it this because she realized that this is what we did together, and the shift is basically that you know that you’re going to do what you say you’re going to do because you trust yourself to be that person to do the thing. And that sounds really obvious, but it is very different to intellectually know that you can do something, which I knew for years, and all of my people know. If you got a PhD from Cornell or Brown or something, you can run a business, obviously.
But it’s one thing to intellectually know something and another to really fundamentally believe that you will do the thing that needs to be done to get the results that you want. And not only that, but to know that you are the only person who can change your life, and to be okay with that and to find that empowering, and not depressing. Some people are like, oh you mean nothing can help me, and I have, the full illness is on me? Yeah, it is, and that’s the really cool part. So that’s kind of this essential shift when even if you fall off the wagon, you know you’ll get back on, things like that. And I find that that really is kind of a one time shift.
If you have proven yourself that I can do, I can change my life, I can be the thing that changes my life and I like that, then you’re good after that. Because you can always lean back on that belief, and from there all the other shifts can happen.
Allie: I’ve heard you use the example of flossing your teeth, and little minute things like that, like I’m gonna prove to myself that I do what I’m gonna say, or I do, whatever you said.
Jessica Eley: Yeah.
Allie: I do the things that I say I’m going to do, whether that’s flossing your teeth or going to the gym in the morning. It could be tiny, small pieces that you build that trust slowly instead of saying, I’m gonna record this 10 module course by next week, and then all of a sudden you don’t do it, and your trust in yourself is gone.
Jessica Eley: Zero. Yeah.
Allie: Yeah. So something we worked on is starting really small and proving to myself, yeah I can floss my teeth twice a day and do everything that I say I’m gonna do, even if it’s just a tiny piece of my day.
Jessica Eley: Right. And I think the big reason why something … There was some NAVY Seal or something who wrote a book about making your bed every morning. That’s the same principle, and I think the reason why that is so key is, nobody’s gonna give you kudos for that. It’s not like your mom’s gonna call and be like hey honey, great job making your bed this morning. Your husband’s not gonna be like hey, I really appreciate you taking care of your mouth. Nobody is going to do that, and so the good feelings that you get from doing things that you know are good for you are really just for you, and you start to learn to validate, you start to learn to take care of yourself for no other reason than, it feels good, and I’m learning that taking care of myself is something that I like to do for me, not because somebody is lording over me, not because I’m gonna get some sticker on a chart, not because I’m going to get some dollar deposited into my bank account. So yeah, it’s huge.
Allie: But it’s easy to let ourselves down first, whether it’s watching a Netflix binge instead of working on something you want to work on. It’s that self control piece to not break promises to yourself and treat yourself like one of your dear friends. You’re not gonna stand them up. And I think Rachel Hollis uses this example in her book, but if you have a date with one of your friends, you’re not gonna stand them up and be like oh, I’m gonna binge on Netflix tonight instead of hanging out with you. If you made a commitment to yourself that you’re gonna do something, whether it’s work on your business or go to the gym or whatever, you’re not gonna break it once you’ve just made that shift to decide you do the things you say you will.
Jessica Eley: Right. And you also learn that you make decisions for yourself in the moment, that you always know what is best for you, which may sometimes mean, I don’t know actually of what circumstances you would ever say flossing my teeth is not a good idea right now, but you may decide that actually, I’m really exhausted and I’m better off not going to the gym this morning, I’m better off sleeping an extra two hours or whatever. But trusting yourself to make a decision that’s actually good for you and that isn’t coming from a place of like oh, I just don’t feel like it right now, and to keep an eye on what is good for you and what moves you towards who it is you want to be, I think that’s maybe the best way to say it.
Allie: Yeah. Okay. I feel like we could talk about these for an hour each [crosstalk 00:19:56]. Let’s move on to number two.
Jessica Eley: So I mean they kind of all start to relate to each other, right, but one of the next shifts is the seeking shift. And that’s all about finding or knowing what it is you need right now and going and getting it. So my entrepreneur analogy for this is that you stop scrolling through your Facebook feed and seeing an ad for something and being like, oh my God, maybe that’ll be the thing, that you’re not so susceptible to FOMO, that you start to pay attention to what it is you are trying to solve right now, and then go get something that supports you making the change that you want to make.
Allie: And knowing the difference between what you actually need and what’s just a reactive experience to the advertising.
Jessica Eley: Yeah. Exactly. That. That was very well put.
Allie: Well, thank you. Which in our experience of working together was me going and hiring [inaudible 00:21:05] as my mentor, which felt totally different than any other course I’d bought, any other program, I’d hired coaches before that I hired for the wrong reasons. With this experience, it was this is an expert in my field, this is somebody that I would like to get to know better, be close to, and it was something that I sought out, like you said, instead of seeing an ad or a person in my newsfeed and being like, oh my gosh, I have to have that right now.
Jessica Eley: Right. Oh my gosh, she makes six figures, clearly she might be able to help me do that too. Yeah, and I think what you said is key. You make the decision first and then you go get what you need to just support that decision, rather than being like oh, maybe I do want to use Instagram, right, but you’ve never actually considered that before, or oh, maybe I do want to build funnels even though you glaze over every time you do something techy. So making the decision first about how or what it is you want, and then getting something that supports that, that’s kind of what that’s about.
Allie: Yeah. And being really intentional with your time too, not being so susceptible to just scrolling Facebook and subscribing to all the newsletters. I think that’s something we did right away when we started working together is like, Allie, you need to unsubscribe from all of the newsletters you get, you need to put on that newsfeed eradicator plug in, just stop taking in all of the knowledge so that you can actually hear what’s going on in your own head.
Jessica Eley: Yeah. I remember you looking at me like I was a crazy person when I told you to delete all the apps from your phone.
Allie: Yeah, but then two months later you were like [crosstalk 00:22:45]
Jessica Eley: I really thought you were crazy when you told me that you didn’t really want your phone anymore. [crosstalk 00:22:50] I get it.
Allie: Right, so it was just this thing that makes calls sometimes, instead of having it in my hand at all time in case someone posted something on Facebook that I needed to respond to.
Jessica Eley: Immediately, yeah.
Allie: Yes. Yeah. Exactly. All right, so tell us about number three.
Jessica Eley: Okay, so the next one is the honesty shift, and this one is really, really uncomfortable for people because it’s all about knowing where it is you’re starting so that you can get to where you want to go. So my analogy here is, GPS is great, you can type in an address, but if the thing can’t find where the heck it is you are right now, it doesn’t matter. You can put in all the destination addresses you want, but you’re not going to get anywhere if the thing can’t find you. And so what this comes down to is, can you break down a problem to its smallest piece? Can you really identify where is your starting? So many people are like oh, I want to make more money.
And it’s like, great. There are a million ways I could tell you to do that. There are some that you would like, some you wouldn’t, some that would make your mom question where she went wrong with you. That’s not really a problem, wanting to make more money. This is not something we can solve, and so this is a matter of diving into what it is you’ve tried, where it is you’re at. You also have to do this, I think the most uncomfortable place to do this is with your own mindset. If you can’t get yourself to make the bed every morning, then you lack discipline right now, and that’s okay. But then know that.
I work with people who are close to my mom’s age and I mean, and my own mom has done this, where because they think they’ve … Also for the record, people our age and people younger do this, but because we think we’ve made enough trips around the sun, we feel like we should have just magically had some skills or some information be stowed upon us, that we should be able to do these things. Well, I should be able to get my ass to the gym every morning. I should be able to whatever. And if that’s not where you’re starting, that’s not where you’re starting. You have to know where it is you are along the path.
That also includes where it is you are in healing, abuse and trauma, and really deep crap that needs to be dealt with. Can’t keep pretending that something is okay just because logically, you know it shouldn’t have been a big deal. This is another thing people do all the time, they’ll intellectualize their problems because they know that something shouldn’t be a big deal, and so they feel bad about their emotional response to something. And so they’ll do something like, this, this, this, this thing really ticked me off, but I know that there are starving children in Africa so I shouldn’t complain.
And it’s like yes, there are people who are going through far more terrible things than what you are going through right now. Yes, maybe logically you know you shouldn’t be aggravated with your husband who is otherwise a marvelous person, whatever. Maybe you shouldn’t logically be feeling or reacting the way you are, but your emotional response needs to be dealt with first. If that thing is trying to teach you something, you have that feeling or that thought or that reaction because of something, whether that’s something that needs to be healed, something you never have learned, a skill you haven’t developed, whatever, you have to start at that, not with what it is you know to intellectually be true.
And that’s kind of what this whole honesty shift is all about, is getting really clear on where it is you’re actually starting right now, and not judging yourself for that. You can’t treat yourself like crap because of where you are right now.
Allie: So where you’re starting not only in business, but in life.
Jessica Eley: Yes. Yeah, for sure. Because it’s all related. It’s cute when people think they can separate them, but if you’re really good at that, all that means that in five years, you’ll wake up one day and be like, why have I been doing this? What is the purpose of all of this? When did I decide that this was my life? And you’ll realize that you are in a prison of your own making. So I wouldn’t encourage anyone to be too good at that. It’s not a great thing either.
Allie: Right. What is the most common thing that your clients say when they come to you? What you just said kind of, I think I already know the answer, but what you just said is related.
Jessica Eley: You tell me. What thing are you thinking?
Allie: Well, at least what it used to be is, I don’t even know what I want.
Jessica Eley: Oh, yeah.
Allie: No matter what level they’re at, there’s just so many options that, it seemed like one of the things you were hearing a lot was, I don’t know what I want from my business, or I don’t know why I want this, or I don’t know why I’m doing this.
Jessica Eley: Yes. Or people will swear up and down that they do know, but they have no idea why. They haven’t really decided that for themselves, and that often then creates unclarity when you start to uncover, oh, that’s what so-and-so thought, this is what I thought I needed because I saw too many ads like this. Oh, this is what Pinterest made me think I needed my house to look like, whatever. And then you’re left with oh, who am I and what do I actually want? And that’s really uncomfortable.
Allie: So is that part of the honesty stage too, of getting clear on what you actually want for yourself versus having all of the outside [inaudible 00:28:48]?
Jessica Eley: Yeah. I mean that’s kind of a lot of things, right?
Jessica Eley: Because that’s also part of the inspiration shift we can talk to you about in a minute, learning what it is you do want and being drawn to that, but the honesty shift would be more so about being like, I have no idea what I want, and then being okay with that, and not beating yourself up for that unclarity.
Allie: Love that. Okay, so inspiration?
Jessica Eley: Yeah. We can go with that. The inspiration shift is all about letting yourself be drawn to what you want as opposed to running away from what you don’t want. This is my super cheesy bear versus the marathon analogy. Are you running away from a bear that is chasing you in the woods, or are you running a marathon? And the thing is, you may run the same speed in both of those situations. You may even run the same distance, but the energy behind it is totally different, the focus behind it is totally different. If a bear is chasing you, you’re in survival mode and you’re literally just reacting. You’re trying to get away from something.
You know what it is you don’t want, which is bear to catch me and me to be lunch. Whereas in a marathon, there’s some kind of path. You can’t see the whole path, hello, it’s 26 miles, it’s not just straight. I think, I don’t know, I’ve never run a marathon. I probably never will, but as far as I know, that’s how these things go. But there’s a path, right, and as you keep going on it, you see the next few steps and there are goals along the way, whether that’s a mile marker or your family cheering you on, and you may endure the same kind of pain, right? You could cramp up in both situations, it’s not that you won’t work hard, but how you’re doing it and why you’re doing it is two totally different things.
So as far as how this relates to what you were just talking about, of people not wanting what they want, or knowing what they want, is that so many times, people start a business because they don’t want their husband to work so much. So I want to make enough money that he can retire. They don’t want their kids to, I don’t know, go to the crappy daycare that’s cheaper. They don’t want this thing or that thing. They don’t want to keep feeling unsuccessful. They don’t want to keep feeling like they’re just, whatever, a parent, just a caregiver, just a whatever the thing is.
And so they’re running away from some kind of feeling or situation currently in their life, but it’s completely chaotic then. This relates to the seeking shift in that you haven’t really decided what it is you want first, and that’s when people just scoop up all of the things because they haven’t defined for themselves what it is they’re moving towards. So this is huge. This shows up in all of our advertising, this shows up in, every reality TV show is about this kind of thing. So getting clear on what it is you want, and this starts as small as people getting the dinner that they want. I’m gonna out you. This started with you buying the good toilet paper.
Allie: Hey man.
Jessica Eley: Hey. Actually, I want the cushy stuff, so then just get that stuff, cool.
Allie: Yeah, even though my husband wants the cheap stuff, I’m the one doing the shopping and I want the nice stuff. Or even a less bathroom-y example, but going to the grocery store and picking out the kind of steak that I want, and trusting that I can choose the t-bone instead of the New York strip and it’ll be fine, like I don’t need to call my husband for validation that I’m making the right choice.
Jessica Eley: Right. And doing that because you want to, right?
Allie: Yep, exactly.
Jessica Eley: Because sometimes, because people could also make that type of decision from a place of just not wanting their partner to get the upper hand. So I can see somebody being like, you know what? I’m gonna buy the t-bone, and they are literally just buying what they want to stick it to their partner, because the thing that they are running away from is, I don’t want you to get the upper hand. I don’t want you to feel like you can control me. You’re not the boss of me. And so that’s the thing. The inspiration shift is all about, nobody can tell you what is right for you, it’s what is the underlying motivation behind what it is you’re doing.
Is it because you want the thing and you’re excited about the thing, or at the very least you’re curious and interested in the thing? Or is it just because you’re afraid of what happens if you don’t do the thing?
Allie: That hits home too. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to start my business, was to help bring my husband home from traveling so much, or to make more money to buy real estate so that he can retire. It made me feel so desperate for the right thing to happen or impatient that this needs to happen right now. When I was able to think outside of that box, things grew a lot more quickly.
Jessica Eley: Yeah. ‘Cause you don’t need it, you’re not looking for it to save you from something, right, it’s really different to make a decision about what you want.
Allie: Yeah, versus what I don’t want.
Jessica Eley: Yep.
Allie: Okay, so what else do you have?
Jessica Eley: One of the last two is the engagement shift, and this also relates to what we were talking about earlier, like being okay with the unknown and knowing how to keep moving when things are uncertain. So a lot of times, I think especially as entrepreneurs become more established, they’ll actually also brand new people. I’m telling you, this is just across the board, this just keeps happening for people. People are really uncomfortable with when things are unclear, and you’ll hear them say things like well, if I just had some clarity around my messaging, if I just had some clarity around who it is I want to help, if I just had some ideas on how to do this or that, and it’s like, yeah, I get what you’re saying.
Clarity feels really good, but we can’t just sit around and wait for clarity, ’cause clarity follows action. So how do you move, how do you do things in a way that gets you clarity? How can you be okay with not needing a certain result? How can you let yourself just start taking action to see what comes out of that, and to understand that sometimes you’re taking action for the sake of gaining clarity, not because you’re trying to suddenly build the next million dollar business. Sometimes you’re just trying to figure out what works, what didn’t work, oh, I learned this about myself, oh, I hate working with these people, oh my gosh, these people are amazing.
And the value in the thing then is not the result that we had our eyes set on, it’s more so what we learned in the process, but how do you get yourself to even do that to begin with? That’s key, ’cause otherwise you’ll sit there and you’ll just try to think through, or at the very best you’ll try to journal your way through to clarity, and that ain’t happening.
Allie: So do these just happen in the order that you’re presenting them, or are they-
Jessica Eley: No.
Allie: … across the board?
Jessica Eley: No. I mean, I think everybody … Like I said, except for the essential shift, which I think is kind of a one time thing, I think the rest of them, everybody has ones that they’re stronger or weaker in, and they keep coming back. You’ll have to keep making them to new layers and to new levels as you grow. And on some level, they all play together. I mean, we’re already moshing them together just in this discussion. I’ve kind of compartmentalized them so that we understand them, and so I can walk people through exercises and tools to help them make those shifts, but they all play together, and you’re never really done with them, per se.
Allie: So true. So what’s the last shift?
Jessica Eley: Yeah. The last one is the validation shift, and this is all about learning how to give yourself your own kudos, to unhook from praise and criticism, to not be inordinately pissed if not enough people don’t give you a thumbs up on your Facebook post, all those things. Also the big thing, I think for entrepreneurs, is to not tie yourself up with your business. You are not your business. Your business is an expression of you, but so many entrepreneurs are on the emotional rollercoaster of their income, and if it’s an up week or an up month, then they’re feeling up, and when things go down, down they go again, and kind of getting off of the emotional rollercoaster that is dictated by anything outside of you, whether that’s money or followers or commentary or trolls or your mom and dad or your kids or your partner or even things like your weight or the appearance of your house, whatever, not letting external things dictate how you feel about yourself.
Allie: That’s been one of the biggest ones that keeps coming back for me too, is that I might uncover one onion layer of where I need validation, like not needing permission from my husband in order to know something is important, but then continuing to work through it, there’s always something else where I’m like oh my gosh, I’m still asking for validation, or oh, do you think that’s a good idea? Asking my [inaudible 00:39:19] or my coaches or other mastermind members, like what do you think of this idea, and relying on that feedback instead of just feeling it and saying okay, this is what I’m gonna do next, I know this is a good idea, I can feel that this is a good idea without needing permission or the validation that yes, it is.
Jessica Eley: Yeah. And [crosstalk 00:39:39]
Allie: But it’s not like a one and done thing either.
Jessica Eley: No.
Allie: You don’t make the shift, like you said, and like okay, check, we’re done with that one, let’s move on to the next. It’s constantly evolving and changing and just reiterating where I’m at in business.
Jessica Eley: Yeah. And the interesting thing is, what you can get better at, is figuring out when you are asking somebody because you genuinely value their feedback as a … because I could see sharing something into a group and being like hey guys, what do you think of this? Where you’re legit just looking for somebody to be like oh, this line doesn’t make sense, oh actually you know what, I’m not clear what it is you’re offering here, and that’s not hooked into you. That’s just hey, I made this thing, can you let me know what you think? And then it’s smart and constructive to go get that feedback from your peers, as opposed to sharing or posting or calling a friend and needing them to commiserate with you, or needing them to prop you up, or needing somebody to congratulate you when you have your best sales month yet.
Can you just feel good about the things that you’ve done for yourself? And the best way to know this is if you are expecting a certain result, if you need a certain reaction from a person or a group of people when you go and do or share the thing, then you’re still hooked on their feedback. If you can post or share or ask something and at the end of the day, you’re not really going to care what they say one way or the other and it’s not going to impact you and how you feel about you, then go for it. But until then, slow your roll and think about how you can validate that for yourself first.
Allie: And being able to give yourself the things that you need or that you think you need from someone else.
Jessica Eley: Yeah. Right. I mean because once you know you can give yourself everything you need, then it’s just fun to get it from other people. Then it’s just nice and it’s a perk and it feels good, but it’s not solving a problem that you perceive you can’t solve for yourself.
Allie: Yeah. When it changes your whole mentality about how you operate too, like if you’re giving someone a gift and then you get angry that they don’t write you the right thank you card, that’s a sign that maybe that gift is coming from the wrong expectations. Give it because you want to, not because you want the validation of the properly written thank you card received in the mail.
Jessica Eley: Right. Yeah. I mean if their reaction time isn’t long enough, if they don’t ooh and ah over the thing you gave them, and then you’re like oh, maybe that wasn’t the right thing, I hope she likes it, and then you start fishing around to third parties, like do you think that she liked that thing? I couldn’t tell based on how she reacted when she opened it, these are signs that you’re not quite there yet.
Allie: Yeah. Absolutely. So what advice do you have for someone who is not as familiar with mindset work or looking to figure out some of these shifts for their selves or their business? Where do they start first?
Jessica Eley: With Prep Work.
Allie: It’s your signature program, of course.
Jessica Eley: Obviously that’s where you want to start. No, I mean honestly, I think … Actually I wouldn’t say that, because I don’t want somebody to come to me and think that that’s going to fix them. I want you … Wanting to improve your mindset has to be a choice that you’re making. This isn’t a game, you guys, you’re not conning your brain and checking off some to do list so that now you can go have the business you want. Because we have kind of turned mindset work into yet another to do list item. Okay, shower, brush teeth, get dressed, mindset work, go slay. And that’s not really how that works. Just because you showed up and put your butt in a seat to do this nebulous thing you’re calling mindset work, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to do something for you.
You have to be willing to do that work because you want to see what’s going to happen when you do it, which is kind of contradictory because that’s one of the shifts that I help people make, but just knowing hey, I’m gonna see what happens if I take a little bit of time to try this. I’m gonna see what happens if I spend a week or two trying this thing or that thing. What happens if I do this, and if I approach my business like that? What happens if I don’t publish every thought I have on social media? Whatever. And just seeing what happens and starting to engage in this type of work for the sake of feeling better about yourself and knowing that you’re actually learning to create success from the inside out, and not that we can gain the system, so that if we do some things on the inside, then magically I’m going to have the business that I want.
This is forever. It’s a little bit like saying that you’re going to eat well for six months or you’re gonna exercise for the next three months until your high school reunion. That’s not, sure you can do that, but that’s not real lasting change, and that’s the only kind I’m interested in, so all others need not apply.
Allie: I just said to my husband last night, I’m like, wouldn’t be awesome if you could work out until you’re your ideal weight and then you could just stop and then start eating pizza again and then that would be it? Like okay, I hit the weight I wanted, and now I’m back to life as usual. But it doesn’t work like that, and I was thinking of one of the first things you said to me after I hired you as my mindset coach, I think I asked you, are you going to fix me, and you said my job is to show you that you’re not broken. And I think that’s part of going into mindset work, quote unquote, is realizing that this is something you get to do for yourself, or wouldn’t it be cool if, that whole positive flip of this is what I get to work on next, instead of oh, I have to do something about my mindset because I’m stuck, this knowing that the shift begins with this is what you get to do.
Jessica Eley: Yes. And to be fair, I totally hired my coach and I was like, I am broken, fix me. So I get that, and sometimes it feels that way, but showing up for the work is about showing up for yourself to recognize, I can influence and change how I feel about myself, including how I feel about showing up for the things that I want to do for myself.
Allie: Yeah. Absolutely. So where can listeners find out more information about you?
Jessica Eley: Best is probably my website, jessicaeley.com. Otherwise I am on Facebook a fair share at I am Jess Eley, but that’s where I’d start.
Allie: Awesome. Well thank you so much for your time today, it’s been so helpful and I know a lot of people are gonna get a lot out of it.
Jessica Eley: Thanks for having me.
Allie: So there you guys have it. Isn’t Jessica fantastic? She has so much knowledge and experience in mindset coaching, and working with her has literally changed the way I talk to myself throughout the day. And I know most of her clients have made comments about that too, how her coaching just helps you shape your own inner monologue, which is why the work that she does is so powerful. Our brains have such an impact on what we can accomplish and what we can get done, and literally where we get blocked and we cannot move past certain things in our business, it’s all in our head.
And somebody like Jessica can help you break down some of those blocks and make these shifts that she mentioned in the episode, and I sincerely hope that you’ll check out all of the free content that she puts out, ’cause she is absolutely amazing. I hope you agree. Thanks for listening to the Prosperity Lab Podcast. Check out the show notes for this episode and all past episodes at prosperitylab.com. If you enjoyed this show, please share it with your biz besties, leave us a review, and subscribe to make sure you stay in the loop for any updates. Keep believing in yourself, chasing your dreams, and designing your version of prosperity. I’ll talk to you again soon.